So I went to see Sam last night and we had a wonderful time... Sushi, Pier1, TjMaxx and Marble Slab Creamery.. the perfect girls night. So I dropped Sam off at her car, but I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I called my dear friend Kyle who also lives in the 'Burg. He said he was at a place nearby and I should stop by and say hey. So I did. I saw some people I knew from highschool which was totally weird, so I didn't stay long, just about 15 minutes...
Anyway, to make a long story short, Kyle has two guy friends, and I met them before at a barbeque at his house. I thought both of these guys were charming and funny-- people I could be friends with. They were there with Kyle, but they were absorbed in conversation and so I really only said hey. On the way home, I called Kyle and we were talking about getting together and going out on the town one night and he said "yeah, definately--you and Sam and I should go" and I, wanting to include his friends, said "well, what about the guys?" and he said "well...."
I said "Do you not want to mix friends again?" (he's really funny about not intermingling his groups of friends) and He says "Well, the guys really don't like you. You got on their nerves at the Barbecue. You have such a presence and they're not used to that--and plus, there were too many WCC (our college) people there and they felt left out. You just have a big presence and that got on their nerves."
Whoa. How embarassing... and the funny thing is is that I've always prided myself on my social skills-- sure I can be loud and funny sometimes, but I never thought I was too the point of being obnoxious. Anyway, I felt about 2 feet high when he said that. I apologized profusely for anything I might have done to offend them and got off the phone before I got too upset.. then I went and had a good cry...
Its funny, just when I start to feel so much better about myself, something happens to whack me right back down. And the funny thing was that I NEVER KNEW that I was getting on these guys' nerves! Am I oblivious? I thought we were all having a great time!
So now that I'm not being rejected for being a lard-butt, now I have too much "presence" or whatever. I have always known that I was outgoing and have even been called entertaining... I have always thought of myself as being versatile and able to move in many different social circles...
Now my feelings are so hurt I don't want to go ANYWHERE! I'm too embarrassed. I don't want to see these guys again and know that they said that I get on their nerves...
And yours too, probably....Sorry to rant like this, but I have never had something like this happen before. So, I'll ask you-- Is it fair to judge whether or not you like someone on ONE social outing? Am I crazy for being so hurt? Should I let this change the way I act (or just make me more concious) in social situations???
So, um, yeah, I'm gonna go cry again now.
PLEASE don't let this change the way you act! Because if YOU change, it means I need to as well. I think we are EXACTLY alike and there have been many times I've had that oblivious reaction where I didn't know how I was coming across.
I have a "presence" and I like to talk and have a good time. My attitude so far in life has been very much - take me or leave me. I'm not changing to make other people happy.
Every one doesn't have to like you (or me!). I mean, honestly, do you like everyone YOU meet? Please don't cry about this. PLEASE!
Posted by: Amanda | March 30, 2005 at 02:39 PM
Oh sweetie!! They sound like total jerks... Clearly they are completely insecure and lashed out at you to make themselves feel better- his friend said it himself!
You are not crazy for being sad about this- I am pretty sensitive too and would have a good cry. Sometimes though, you have to realize you cannot control what some people are going to think or do. Screw them!
Don't change who you are- stay your dynamic and sparkly self! THEY are the ones who are missing out.
Posted by: frecklegirl | March 30, 2005 at 03:08 PM
OMG...Do not change, don't even consider it..You, the way you are, are the reason I keep checking back here...You, as you are, are the reason when you shut down your blog while you moved, I was getting concerned about where you were. You can ask Zoot...I kept bugging her about you...As a Yankee who moved down here eons ago I can tell you that guys in the South and a bit different. A lot didn't like me too because of my "presence". I didn't change and you shouldn't either. Your hubby didn't marry another personality, he married you, just the way you are so you stay that way, here me!!!! But the cry is okay, and I soooo understand it... Love you from here...
Posted by: Zoots Mom | March 31, 2005 at 08:08 AM
Zoots Mom sent me, and I agree with her comments. I too have a presence, and at times some people take what I say the wrong way. But you know what? I have friends that like me just the way I am, and the others, well, I don't always like all of them either, that's natural. To change who you are to suit them is to admit that there's something wrong with you. Well there isn't. What would the world be like if we all acted the same and talked the same and looked the same? How would we ever define ourselves? I have learned through time and age tact, I don't tend to say everything that comes to mind now like I used to, but who I am hasn't changed, and I like me! You should like yourself too, because obviously from the comments I see there are a whole lot of people who think you are wonderful!
Posted by: Nina | March 31, 2005 at 10:39 AM
This is 'crazy talk', not your crying about it, but their reaction. I was there, at the stupid barbeque, and if I remember correctly, we talked with those guys the entire time - not about college stuff, about their lives. They are complete idiots - pervy idiots, I will add. Forget them, they are not worthy of you. You are a strong, talented, smart woman, and they are probably intimidated by you - as they SHOULD be, because they're not fit for you to wipe your shoes on. You have an amazing presence, one that fills up a stage, an entire room - but anyone who knows you for any length of time knows that it's powered by love and interest in anyone around you.
Much love to all of those sending you love! Thanks for supporting my bestest friend.
Posted by: samantha | March 31, 2005 at 11:24 AM
Whatever! They sound like losers that can't handle a good personality! Why he would even tell you that is bizarre... sounds like maybe he exaggerated to keep his groups form intermingling. Maybe they actually liked you a lot and he is sabotaging it? Regardless! Stay yourself and hang out with people that appreciate you and treat you with respect.
Posted by: Rbelle | March 31, 2005 at 01:28 PM
Zoots Mom sent me, and that is total bullshit. Really. I've also always prided myself in my social skills, and can even get a rock to talk to me, and have been told that I'm annoying and too bubbly (which I agree with from time to time), but it came right down to making the decision that I really just don't care.
Which is a big deal for me to make, as I used to be the one to want to make everybody happy.
I know it made you sad and hurts your feelings, but are they worth it?
I'm guessing no.
Posted by: Erin | March 31, 2005 at 03:01 PM
Hi, another Erin here. Zoot's Mom sent me. I agree with everyone else on these guys not being worth it. But I have to agree with Rbelle about your friend even telling you this. It's kinda wierd. Everyone can't like everyone else but why purposely hurt someone by telling them? I don't get it.
Posted by: Erin | March 31, 2005 at 04:21 PM
Zoot's Mom sent me, too, and I think you're grand just as you are. Don't ever change for someone else.
Posted by: Mamacita | March 31, 2005 at 07:39 PM
Someone once told me that i had *too much presence*. I thanked them. What a compliment! I can find where I have thought that about myself too and I don't personally have a problem with *too much presence*. It sounds llke your friends love that about you too.
Love, Marianne
Posted by: mimi | March 31, 2005 at 10:57 PM
Okay, I know I'm a few days late and hopefully you've stopped crying now but I just had to add how horrible I think this is. From one girl with presence to another: screw those guys. But, like some commentors have said, I think it's wildly inappropriate that Kyle told you that. For some reason, I'm most outraged by that.
Just know that we all have these moments where we want to crawl under the bed forever. Thank God, they pass.
Posted by: amylou | April 03, 2005 at 12:52 PM
Translation: Your "presence" out-shines theirs and they can't handle that.
Posted by: abelle | April 06, 2005 at 06:23 PM